hey, Ambers upstairs writing so thought i would write to you as ur busy doing boy stuff!!.

Having a good time and am really glad i came, am missing you tho i turn round to tell you stuff and ur not there. however, i do feel that we can cope and will giove you big hugs wen i see you on tuesday.

umm dont really have much else to say cos im sure ill call u later and ill have to txt u to say to look on here.

i have decided that i am going to post more but i may just do it to myself or to you or even keep a diary just to put the pent up random thoughts away. quite emo of me to post my anti-slef rantings on to the internet but think it will be good for me to vent. I think that i should propbably try and come here more in future perhaps in between jobs etc. it gives me a different view on things and althoug i miss you i need space and i dont think i can find that in suffolk. Amber and Suzie give me a different perspective on things and remind me that i need to look and decide in my own head if not to the world what i feel about things and be able to justify them to myself and to them ( which would be the bigger test) being here makes me feel younger than beng at home does but also more grown up. i think this is cos of the whole i have to rebel thing in my house and i just feel so cramped.

ok maybe had more to say than i thought i did. I love you lots and also being away has made me realise really how much you have helped me since me leaving uni and coming back home. I couldn't have done it without you. i like that i can just cry and you will hold me and not ask me to stop but will wait until im done. i need that. i think i just worry that i dont do anything for you and that i dont understand you or / and want you to be someone your not. i think this is where the social thing comes in and talking to amber i think i have to let go of the "we're a couple so we need to do EVERYTHING together". cos its ok if you dont get on with large groups cos i can go by myself and that you and daniel and danny need time together because they are your friends and that even tho i cant come along i shouldnt come along even if i could. But its also important that we have time to ourselves and we talk bout this stuff.


I really need to think long about what the word home means to me and why i associate it with everything and why i feel i have soi many places that are home to me. Is it because i dont belong or because i feel like i dont belong or i dont want to belong. I spent so long not wanting to live in suffolk and stay where i was maybe my subconceince needs for me to finally accept that its where i want to be. Also i think i need to really analyse if it is where i want to be or whether my love for you is hiding something. Dont worry im not going to run off and leave u. i just need to work theese things out and cos im me i need someone to tell them to.... you have been designated that job.

i love you, lots and im lucky to have you. i dont ever want to loose you and love just being with you.

if you have time respond to this please. or we can chat bout it later its just easier for me to get my thoughts out on paper ( or computer screen) even if they are just incoherent ramblings

i love you

take care

ur peach xx

may 4th - Walsham le willows.

Walsham le willows is a tiny little place in mid mid suffolk about ten miles away from Bury St Edmunds. Today weather wise was really hot so that also factored in the get in. we didn't arrive at the village hall until ten past one (due to a slight detour to another village!). with the last two venues being on a stage so no0t having to use our metal staging and with the three day break it seemed ages since we had put up the entire set. it went really well with the three of us working really well together. it has almost got into a routine and the way to put together the stage went in really quickly. because of the lay out of the place the first job that we had was to pull the seating down from on the stage. due to the narrowness of and height of the stage from the floor we were putting our stage up in front of it. however, we still needed to set out the chairs to seat the audience. not knowing exactly how many people we are expecting is becoming to be a bit of a problem. in that we don't know how many to set out and therefore how much space we have to play with. the village and community that we have gone into today seems to be quite a tightly nit one just from looking at the notices posted on the boards. during our fist tea break one of the villagers came round to ask our opinion on what they should do with the stage that they have in the hall. I think that all three of us were surprised by this and John and Aileen put their opinions forward. and when asked the same question later in the day by a different person i repeated what john and Aileen had suggested giving them ownership of the words! the place organisied its own bar and the play seemed to be a definite event in the eyes of the village. the tickets that the village outlet had were all gone and the prospect that we were sold out seemed to be an alien one. they had also organised a raffle in the interval which seemed a bit strange to the actors but did promote a community atmosphere. although at some points during the interval and when people were entering it felt like we were intruding on their territory. it was the only place so far that felt as if we were going into a place that was peoples home that had a real community atmosphere to it. and personally it felt good to be part of something that was bringing them together. they also have other community tours come to the hall so it felt as if we were welcome.

the show has now been out on tour for a week i have been keeping a day to day diary of observations etc but unfortumnaly have left it in the tour van!!. some things never change! as our next show is wednesday i will start to update backwards until i have my note book to jog my memory and enable me to add more detail to the entries.

The tour has been going really well. the tour itself has almost sold out every night. This has been a first for the theatre royal community tour which has been running for eight years. this has been put down amoungst the theatre staff to the play itself, as Ayckbourn is a popular playwirght to the middle classes and our audiences have reflected this. the first two audiences were mainly elderly. and this trend has been reflected within all of the audiences. espically within the village settings. we have only really played in one village setting. the other places have been theatre in towns or community centres in bigger villages/ small towns. mostly the laughs that we get are simular,. but the audiences and their attitudes are reflected in the things that they react to. the way in which we have thought through the issues explored within the work into a slightly more detailed. to make Lionel's mental disorder feel more real. to make the audience confront the issues of mental health and alacholism.

The feeling in general is very different than that of radio days. mainly as we are not going into peoples homes and. as i am backstage only and not onstage at all i have no real rapport or connection to the audience. although my off stage part as "Lionel" in the second scene has generated some laughs it is a completely different feeling. The fact that the hours that we are putting in are alot longer as well due to the size of the company is a different feeling and the overall ethos of the company is different to the one that we had within Radio days. as in radio days we had all known each other for 2 years to a lesser or more degree working closly and as a whole group was something that did come quickly but also as the friendships and relationships that natuarally occur with knowing people for a while there were other dynamics at work. As with this project all of us are freelance except the director that are in reahearsal or on tour. The dynamics have evolved over the 5 weeks we have been together. and there is a group feeling and ownership to the piece that i didnt nessecarily feel in radio days as there were so many of us. as there are only really six of us we all have to rely totally on each other to keep up and forfill there jobs. and this has been a part in which i feel i have lived up to really well.

i have done my duties to the expected standard and have also formed personal relationships with the company. making us all part of the company so that i feel an ownership towards the piece and that i have added sonmething to the development of it at a rehearsal level as well as during the performance. I have also learnt a lot during this process but i feel that the learning process i have gone on during the past five weeks has been ne that i can only really see retrospectivly. i have gone in to this project aiming to do my job and complete the things that have been asked of me and i have done that throughout. i have learnt alot from Aileen by watching and observing her negotiate with different parties and her speaking to me about her goals. the same goes for the production manager and all of the company. I think that during this process i have let my natural strengths come out that were not necerssaily let out during the past prjects i have taken on. i feel that this is partly because it is like starting a fresh. the only view of me that the peple i am working with of me is the ne that i give. there are no preconceptions and i feel more able to put foward ideas and my skills as i am not aware of the other peoples skills. And as there are only three of us there arent many people to share jobs out to.


I think that during a college setting i was too eager to let other people take the roles in which i knew i had strengths as i thought/ knew there were people who had more knowledge in the area than i had. i am very thankful for the all round training i have had as all of it has been called upon during the rehearsal period and inital start of the tour. having a basic knowledge of construction helps in being able to help with the initial get ins and my knhe isowledge of lighting assitst the production manager in venues in which the lightuing is tricky where we have to use others rigs. I feel that my confidence has improved and i find it alot easier to communicate with the people i need to have.

i feel that within the company we have a mutual respect. As i am sharing digs with the actors the relationship has shifted but in a good way and now in the fifth week. personal friendships seem to be forming over the bounds of politly working with someone. The company seem to have the same work ethic. the 12 hour days that John(production manager) Aileen (DSM) and I as ASM have been doing are respected by the actors that come in around an hour and half before the half. and then help with the get out.

because we have had a two day break it feels slightly strange coming back into this point of the production as the set get out from the rehearsal room was today and we get in to our first venue tomorrow to tech and dress there. the work that i did over the two days off, mainly the backstage running list was very helpful during the run and the way in which i had set it out enabled me to run without the script which allowed me more freedom backstage. the get out form the rehearsal room took two hours as it was the first time we had done it so hopefully when we do the get out on saturday it will be much quicker and smoother.

in the morning we ran through separate bits listening to things that are appropriate making sure that the script that i am using for backstage has all of the changes within it. Rum through in afternoon which went well. things changed in doing it again and it was interesting to see how the scene changes toook place and how it was easier to do different things that we hadn't thought of before. i also found that i am beginning to know most of my cues without following the script but that it is useful to have it open to check. Also having to make sure that feedback is left on ebay to say thank you to the people that we have brought things off. and having to update the SM running list so that i can use it backstage and so that if i was ill someone could do my job just by looking at the script and the list.

working on general things in the morning into a full run with an invited audience in afternoon. helping to finish set for a hour after the run. putting the pictures on to the ply. With the set the designer has chosen to print the pictures wanted for the background on to vinyl which is then stuck on to ply giving a wipe clean surface with a good picture quality. Lots of washing up and sorting out the props into there places after the run. and sorting out the script in finding where standby points are etc. morning included marking through all of the costume and scene changes. to see what works and what doesn't who is best to do some jobs and where i am needed most at certain points. Enlarging a piece of dialogue so that the actor can see that when she is off stage as she has lines whilst changing into a different character. the run was good as we had more costume so that we are slowly getting a clearer idea of what the changes during the show will entail. Aileen has helped a lot within organizing the scene changes etc. we also did the run with food yesterday and today and this added a new element one of them being to make sure that all of the sandwiches are out of the bag.

I was in rehearsal again for most of the day. finished off two bits last night for costume/ props. sowed poppers on to the second shirt to make it easier for costume changes. in rehearsal we went over the last scene in detail and then ran act two. from a backstage point of view the run went well. updates to script and running list still needed and notes where put down where needed. making final adjustments to the sound track. looping tracks so that are long enough for the scenes in which they play. felt good to know that the design aspects are nearly all in place a week before the dress. The set was nearly finished and up with the exception of a 3D slot pictures. nearly all of the props are gathered and approved by the designer. On the props side Aileen has supervised the props that i have put forward but mainly there have been only little things that i have had to change.

In rehearsal all day taking notes instead of Aileen as she was painting the furniture. also sew poppers on one of the costumes for ease of costume change. and sowing the buttons on over the hole so it seems like the buttons are being used. having transfer all props etc into other room whilst the set was being put in the room we had been using. Controlled the sound for rehearsal and kept Aileen informed about what was going on.

production meeting to day and also more costume fittings as the collection of clothes that the designer has found grows. we know have more of the actual costume in rehearsal which is really good for the actors and me to get used to putting things on and off quickly. From the rehearsal Aileen and I thought that it would be a good thing for simon to have a summeray of Lionel's entrances in act two as they are quick and quite similatr so he could see at a glance where he was withyin the play. I was also offered a Job within the theatre for two weeks in august as DSM on their summer school program. they are performing Midsummer noghts dream outside in the Abbey gardens and they are willing to pay me to do this. I was really pleased about this opportunity and see it as an indicator on how well the other people that i am working with think i am doing as Sharrin had sai they asked thme before offering me the position. I also spoke to Aileen about how she felt last week had gone whilst we werer collecting a few props. As i didnt work much within the rehearsal room last weeek due toi doing the sound she said that it seemed that i was doing well and the sound that i had produced was good. but that at times i should have taken more care about my attitude towards rehearsals and bear in mind that the slightest thing could distract the actors whilst working. I have taken this on board and although i feel it came from trying to do the job quickly so i could be within the rehearsal room. i am now more aware of the concentration that the actors espically as this is a two hander have to have within the rehearsals. Within the production meeting we organised the schedule for tech week (next week) and discussed how things were going to work.

today I mainly focused on sound again making the adjuistements that needed to be made from the disks that i made on thursday these mainly being issues of the tracks not being long enough to last the scne na done crossfade. again i used the newer program and also downloaded and paid for a sound off soujnddogs which is something i havent done in the poast. this desicion was made as we wanted that type of feeling to it but wanted the middle to end section which wasnt on the preview and couldnt have been mocked up. In doing this i had a point at which i had to be two places at once as John's laptop had to be used for this process how had to leave but i was needed to be backstage to do the run.

first thing we did a stagger through of act one taht went well with me backd=satge doing my duties as costume changer sound maker etc. then we started to work on the second act again i was left in rehearsal to check on blocking learn the cues etc. whilst aileen did more sourcing. I noted down any changes and ran the music which we had

More blocking in the morning to do with my backstage duties! then basically spent the day putting the sound track together with the production manger. i enjoyed this. the sounds that i had sourced were mostly wat we used although some had to be changed and by the end of the day we had produced a soundtrack that was suitable for rehearsal. also as John didn't have ACID i learned how to use a different program that was a bit simpler thn acid so I got used to it quite quickly. and also saw how other people worked and what they used. John uses mini discs which surprised me as i didn't know that anywhere did mainly use them to run shows. We also ran the second scene and went over the backstage business with the sounds form the shed.

In rehearsal all day, starting to put in blocking and notes to do with clanging and sounds that need to be made backstage. Sitting backstage getting used to the are in which i will be working and arranging it suitably with Aileen. Also getting more used to the place inn the script of scene changes and resetting and setting props for the correct moments. sent email to the designer to check found props and sourced the base sound fx for the soundtrack.

feeling a bit low today due to personal problems(breaking up with bfriend of three years) but alot of things were acheived. Spent the morning painting part of the stage and collecting thins from store. then hada meeting about sound and that i a going to source the sound and then come together with John to put it all together on mini disc on thursday. amd then sat in on rehearsals setting up props/ helping with rehearsal costume changes and putting in blocking where it differed from the first run through.

production meeting today, went well check on props by the designer who vchanged some of the choices we had made so a new search for more objects was done by aileen whilst i stayed in the rehearsal room. costume fittings also done today for the first lot of things found by keith. then out for company meal. was really good and relaxed.

First thing i adjusted some sounds for the director so that i can do some more work over the weekend. More blocking was completed in the morning, Aileen stayed whilst I went and researched some more props finding references for matches and a job lot of stainless steel tea pots (for 99p) on ebay. i the returned to rehearsals and during lunch went to chairty shops with Aileen and found a suitable tea set. I then sat in on rehearsal whilst Aileen went to do more research. filling in the blocking for the second half and re setting props when needed. then confirmed research with Ed and bid on the items agreed. showed ed the music also and have amendments to make. Also have list of things to find and do over weekend in preparation for monday's rehearsal and production meeting. This week has gone really well and ive really enjoyed myself and feel that i have added something to the production so far. spoke to Ed on the way home about how the week has gone and i said that i feel part of the company that am i needed and not just tolerated because im on work experience. i feel that i a respected for my work that everyone feels i can do this well and respects my opinions on the text its self. this was demonstrated by me feeling able to tell ed that i felt the rough blocking that we had put in place for the first ending gave the wrong message. Ed agreed with me and is pleased with my work so far. the whole company has gelled really well. I am very glad i joined at the begging because i feel that to come in at this point would be really hard. the fact that nobody in the company (actors/ director and aileen and myself) have worked together before has helped me bond into the group.

Today was also good. fortunatly a pattern is forming. the company is bonding well and we are getting there with the blokcing. Aileen stayed in the rehearsal room whilst i did some more props research and brought a few essentials. and then i sat in after lunch and we went through the end of the second half and then roughly blocked the difficult scene changes and blcking in the second half. This bit i helped alot in as is will involve alot of changing and quiet setting. Quite alot of talking going int the scenes. Im finding it really intersting to watch the actors and director work at the meanings behind each bits sometimes words and watching it come together. we won an ebay bid so sorted out payment for that. For this Aillen gave me her personal credit card and details so that i could set up an account in her name for use on this project. She didnt really blink before doing this. I think this shows a great level of trust at this early stage and that the whole company has bonded well. i'm feeling comfortable with the people im working with and the jobs that im doing. Also went swimming with Aillen and Simon, had a chat with Aillen about this week and how things were going and she said that she trusted that if she gave me a job to go away and complete it would be done. and she doesnt have to stand over me to make sure tasks are completed.

I ended up doing a get in for another show in the space. Aileen and Ed let me out of rehearsal because i wasnt needed and I helped with the getin and then operated lighting on 'Showstoppers' which a one woman show which is the theatre royals uk tour for this year. the theatre technician was ill so they asked me to work all day and paid me casual rate to do this. I was really pleased with this as it did not just help me out money wise but shows that within 2 days of me being here the theatre feel that i can do the job well enough to pay me. even though i havent done a get in with them as of yet. I had an enjoyable day and learnt alot. the technician who had been touring the show took me through the show during the get in. and i watched and lit the show for the first time with an audience. which is something i havent done before. i found it strange to operate a show without properly rehearsing it. but didnt get a cue wrong and Iain (technian) just called me. so that was my day really. then i found some sfx and made some calls for intimate exchnages during my break so that i wasnt behind on where we were in rehearsal. so tday i worked from 9.30 till 9.30.

due to trains the second day is written up on the third!! basically it was a day of sourcing and sorting. Started with photocopying then a meeting in the rehearsal room with Ed and Aileen to discuss what would be happening dring the day. then more photocopying of things that various people needed. and a look around charity shops to see what was around that could be suitable for props. first prop brought of a tray. ringing up hotels and garden centres to source various props and sort out gym membership for company. bidding for props on ebay. good day again. really feeling on top of things already. feels good to know this early how we are tackling props definatly a tactic i will be taking on.

Today went well. Started off with a meet and greet with the company and a few administration staff from theatre royal. First job was to help clear out the rehearsal room, and then make tea!! went through the ground plan and pencilled in the lengths that werent on the plan with Aileen (DSM)and John (production manager). The actors did a readthrough which was really good to listen to. It gave me a better idea of how the production wuld work. Colin, who is the manager of the theatre royal, spoke to us about the community theatre projects which the theatre royal had been going on for 8 years. After the readthrough keith (designer) took us through the model box and the reasons behind the design decisions that had been made and then tok us through the costumes of the scenes and how the costume changes take place. We then had a production meeting but due to previous commitments the production manager who is also mainly in charge of construction and lighting couldnt attend. We mainly concentrated on props for the show and how the many things that are specified are needed for this version seeing the style in which we are taking on the project. The director and the actors then had a discussion about the play itself whilst Aileen and I marked out the set in the rehearsal room. Aileen and I then started to research the props that need it such as the newspapers and furniture which hada definate period. I really felt comfortable in this environment. and enjoyed the first day and am looking foward to more